Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
