Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
