like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
