i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
