I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
