Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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