My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
