My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
