Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
