I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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