i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
