Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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