so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
