He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
