All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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