who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
