M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
