he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
