Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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