there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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