I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
