i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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