I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
