My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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