remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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