If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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