i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
