In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he thought i was a dude.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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