I faked an abortion last night.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
