You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
