i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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