hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
