Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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