I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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