I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize