he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize