no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You dont lie about slip and slides
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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