I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
