Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
