goodnight i made you a song goodbye
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
