Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize