Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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