He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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