Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
