I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
