I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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