You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
