I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
