I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
