You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize