sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
