she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
