Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
