BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
