I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
