I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
