What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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