and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
