Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
