first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
