RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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