my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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