Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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