Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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