Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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