The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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