They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
