and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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