Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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