It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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